Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
