I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think i have two assholes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
