i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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