why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
