She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
