It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
