I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
