I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
