4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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