You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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