Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
