Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
