brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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