Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
