Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
