i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
