My brain says no but my pants say off.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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