I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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