it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
