He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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