Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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