is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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