Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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