okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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