how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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