to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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