it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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