My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
