I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
