it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
