did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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