dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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