Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
