I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
