that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm at about main and main street
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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