dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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