I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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