...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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