I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
