u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
