Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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