Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
