redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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