At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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