I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
