we made out on top of his cat.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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