dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
