either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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