ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
