Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
