I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
