After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
