At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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