Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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