No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
