yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
