Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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