don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
