Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
