I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
