At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
