yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
