Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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