just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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