He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
