how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sext me about skeletons
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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