I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
