you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
