He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
